Four hours

So far I could manage to put 4 good hours of work today, stopping for a coffee. I am not back at all, to my old self but today I feel quite well. I fought all my demons back, fencing them into their shadows and corners so the laptop was again my friend and not a wasteland of empty minutes. I increased my TO-DO list in a 25% and overall I did all I planned to do. Now I am feeling the tingling ambition of asking for more, asking myself for more work, asking life for more light and another good chance.

When you are down for a long time and then you experience some modest peaks up, you as for more, I assume it is a natural thing, yes. Perhaps the problem is that a sort of overconfidence propels you to go too fast now (or try to). No, I will enjoy this moment, this feeling of 4 very good and productive hours of work, a time when I could control my mind and crank it back to action, to production.

Yes, I could enjoy my imagination, my capacity for calculus, for financial scenarios, for marketing… Also, I am experiencing less and less patience every day for crap or stupid people. A sort of abrupt and almost violent word bursts from my mouth, sending to hell those morons around me. I did it this morning with a young and spoiled brat, a person who is very young, coming from an extremely wealthy family, living in Boston and with ONLY one subject left to finish her degree. Really??? Could you, stupid idiot complain that your life is hard? No, I really don’t think so. Fuck you, idiot, so I sent her to hell. Paradoxically, she came back to the conversation admitting she was wrong. What is this? If I keep silent you brag around and if I kick your ass you come back to your senses?

Perhaps we need our ass to be kicked so we can come back to our senses, yes… I wonder if depression will have that effect on me one day, when it is completely under control…

Don’t take crap. Send people to hell every once in a while. It might be fun…