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One cell at a time

A million small steps will bring you far way

Today was a good day. I spent many hours in front of my laptop. I finally got 2 good hours, the rest was mediocre or simply wasted but I feel great… Two good hours… Few years ago I was able to pull out 16 a day, 6 days a week, but zero complains now. In two good and productive hours I got a general scenario of all the financials in my project, my new project. Yes, It will take a while but I am kicking back to gain some air again, to escape these muddy waters. In some of the bad hours from today, I generated a sort of calendar, so I think I could have finished a draft of my project in 4 weeks. It is not impressive by any practical means but to me it is simply great because I could push back depression, the monsters in my head, that heavy sadness in my heart. I had 2 hours of light.

Yes, very small steps, so small I can handle each one, very small steps I conquer and place one after the other and then I see I make some progress. Yes, there is vertigo and I worry when I make some progress, then I think all was a fluke and tomorrow all will be shit and dark but then again, it doesn’t have to be all like that… Tomorrow I will fight many small steps again, yes, I need to feed this tiny hope, this candle in the stormy night…

So now it is 6 pm. I will prepare some dinner for my daughter and will listen to her day. I will remember the day she was born, those deep blue eyes that changed to light brown, between honey and almond. I will remember how I changed her first diaper, how I played with her when she was a baby, how I told her a story every night before she went to bed… Yes, I remember that… If I was 10,000 miles away and with a big time difference, in a meeting, I used to go to the bathroom and Skype her so I could make up a great story with brave characters and monsters and adventures… Now she is a teenager and I enjoy when we talk about life, her future, Star Trek or dogs, yes, but in my heart she will always be 5 and I will always miss those bed-time stories…

I digress 🙂 I meant I will relax now, have some dinner, enjoy her company and soon go to bed, no TV, no phone, no more laptop. I will read Rendevouz With Rama, or a biography of Genghis Khan or a paper on genes related to autism or a book about AI. I will let mi mind relax and then, hopefully, sleep.

Excel, mon amour…

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