Design a site like this with
Get started


The dark deceiver is not to be trusted…

Reality is the idea you have about reality… In other words, the only world that really exists is the one we create or re-create in our minds. We see things outside, then we put two and two together and then we form a working image of it in our minds. That image is the map we use to navigate every day, to open the door, grab the car keys and face the world. In a normal situation, that map is ok and useful but when you are depressed that map is distorted by FEAR. Fear causes stress and when we live in anguish, any shadow becomes a monster in our imagination. Again, it is a defensive mechanism that 1 million years ago saved us from a lion but today it might kill us.

The first defense mechanism you need to exercise against depression is mistrust against fear in general, your fears in particular and exactly the monsters you see around you. When you are down, fears are multiplied by a billion and the reality map distortion will drive you to terrible scenarios: shadows empowered by shadows. The first thing is NOT TO TRUST YOURSELF when you fall to anxiety. Learn the name of your enemy, identify those fears.

So what to do when you panic? When your heart races out of your chest? I have learnt a couple of things in the last 2 years. A useful thing (at least for me) is to grab a white piece of paper and write (this blog is a version of that). I write my fears, my hopes, I list everything in boxes and I draw arrows connecting boxes. I try to make some sense of whatever is in my mind. Then, if the result is still messy, I throw that paper and start all over again with a new one. I repeat this over and over until some clarity comes to me.

A second and very important thing I have learnt is that OUR BODY AND OUR MIND ARE ONE UNITARY THING. So we can influence our mind using our body. If I am really down, I just move a bit towards the door, then I stop, gather strengh, ponder my steps and take a few more. Eventually, I reach the door and then look through the glass. I see the exterior and then, after a while, I can open it and take a few steps outside. Then I just sit there. If it is very cold, I bring a thick cardigan or even a blanket and I just stay there. If I manage to do this, to reach the porch of the house where I live, then I have changed the scenary my eyes see and my skin feels. I can now smell other things, hear other sounds and then my mind learns that there are more things, other things different from my pain and darkness. This helps in tiny bits but a tiny bit can make an enormous difference.

A second thing I have learnt to do is a brief phone call, under one minute. I call somebody totally unrelated to my mood or my darkness. I can call some online company selling TVs or socks or paint or a cruise to the Bahamas. I call and talk to somebody about something I really don’t care to even consider buying (and besides, I have no money left). But that call gives me the glimpse of a reality outside my mind, outside this room and this house. I can talk for a minute or so and then I just hang up (sorry) because I get anxious. Nevertheless, those 60 seconds helped me put some perspective in my head.

When I am really down I keep it very simple. If I am tired I set up the alarm clock for ONE HOUR, put it away from the bedroom and then I go to my bed to sleep. After that hour it forces me to get up and turn it off (if I keep it close to my, I turn it off and simply hide under the covers). I can also take a shower; for some reason getting undressed seems to me like a lot of work when I am down so I have to do it slowly. Getting dressed after the shower is always easier and I feel better.

No matter what I do, always the first thing is to be aware of my inner demons, of those thoughts distorting my minds. I just sit down, close my eyes, breath deep and regularly and then I think things are a bit better than I am feeling in that particular moment. For some reason, these lines from Game of Thrones just came to my memory:

We ask the Lord to shine his light, and lead a soul out of darkness. We beg the Lord to share his fire, and light a candle that has gone out. From darkness, light. From ashes, fire. From death, life.


Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: